Jubilee

“Check… check… Testing one, two! Is this thing still working? I swear, Big Blue, this tape recorder is more ancient than some of the tech you’ve got stashed away in your janky old pyramid!”

“The Celestial technology I possess was designed to last millennia, Jubilation.”

“Yeah, well, this cassette deck? Not so much. I’m honestly floored that it made it out of the ‘90s in one piece. But the reels are spinning, so I guess that means we’re good to go!”

“Remind me: Why do you insist on documenting my ascension in such a crude manner?”

“Because it would take way too long to carve it all in hieroglyphics. Duh.”

“Your flippant humor is unbefitting of one of my Horsemen.”

“Relax, Apocalypse. I’m just trying to bring a little fun to your creepy little party. And if you really want to know, it’s because I actually do believe in what you’re trying to accomplish here. But there are tons of people out there — the X-Men included — who probably think you’re just doing your whole Darwinian villain shtick again. ‘Survival of the fittest’ and all that. I want to show them that you have the good of everyone in mind… for once…”

“Indeed, I do. Though you did not always see the nobility behind my intentions.”

“I mean, obviously it was kinda hard for the hero in me to look past all the times you tried to wipe out entire genetic populations. You’ve been a villain since, like, the dawn of recorded history. But once I saw the total devastation in your collapsed timeline and got a better understanding of what you were doing here, I eventually came around. And since I know Shogo is probably gonna listen to this recording someday, I want him to understand why his mommy chose this side. Or at least, I hope he can…”

“Your child should be grateful. His is just one of the countless souls that will be saved when this ritual is complete!”

“Well, his is the one that I care about the most. It’s why I came to Thebes in the first place, remember?”

“Of course. You arrived seeking a cure for his condition.”

“When you say ‘condition,’ it makes it sound like he has some sort of rare disease. My toddler got turned into a dragon, dude!”

“And I still question why you would wish to revert him to his softer, more vulnerable state.”

“Because he deserves to be a normal kid… not that I ever really knew what it was like to be a normal kid… but still… And I’ll admit, it was kinda cute when he got turned into a baby dragon during our visit to Otherworld, but I was super glad it didn’t stick. Then Krakoa got pulled into the future by the Timestream Entanglement, and something happened to him that locked him into his dragon form permanently. I swore that I’d do whatever it took to find a way to turn him back…”

“And so, here you are.”

“Yup. When Illyana and Wanda couldn’t undo his change through magic alone, they sent me to this timeline. They figured that if anyone could find a solution, it’d be you.”

“And they were correct. Shogo’s transformation was triggered by an unexpected combination of ancient magic, reality warping, and timeline fluctuations. There is only one being in this or any other timeline who is deeply versed in all of those subjects.”

“En Sabah Nur. The First Mutant. Son of the Morning Fire. The Forever Walker. He Who Never Dies. The one and only Apocalypse!”

“Ah, you’ve finally begun to sound like one of my Horsemen, Ms. Lee.”

“Well, that was the deal, right? I put aside my reservations, sign up to be one of your devoted generals, and help you get this weird Faith-Harvesting Engine up and running so that you can execute your master plan to save time and space from collapsing further…”

“… and I restore your adopted son to his true form.”

“You may have promised to give my baby boy a genetic reboot, but you put me through a little transformation of my own first. And boy, did it bring out the worst in me!”

“My intent was simply to enhance your strength so that you could properly serve as my Horseman of Famine… but there was a dormant genetic marker in your bloodstream that was activated during the process.”

“Yeah, I probably should have written in ‘used to be a vampire’ on my health forms when I applied for the gig. My bad. So, now I’m cursed with double the hunger!”

“Though you may yearn for sustenance, those in need will thrive because of you.”

“So you’ve said. And let’s be real, I probably wouldn’t have signed up for the gig if you hadn’t gone all “chopped and screwed”-style on the old Horseman archetypes. I mean, having Famine satisfy people’s hunger instead of inflicting it on them? Who could’ve seen that one coming?”

“If we truly wish to earn the trust of others, we must take on the burden of suffering ourselves so that they may prosper.”

“It’s pretty noble, I’ll admit. But I swear, if ancient Egypt had a food court, I would’ve totally annihilated it by now!”

“Hunger is what drives us toward our goals. And my goals have finally become a reality. The time has come, Jubilation. The Faith-Harvesting Engine has gathered enough divine energy to fuel my ascension.”

“You sure you wanna do this, Big Blue?”

“More certain than I have ever been, in all of my centuries of existence.”

“Then you’d better get to the top of that tower, boss. I’ll be down here, ready to pull the trigger when you give the word.”

“You have served me well, child.”

“I’m not a child anymore, Pocky. But yeah, I have. So, why don’t you get up there and prove to me that I backed the right Mutant warlord.”

“I shall. For a new Age of Apocalypse is about to begin!”

“Let’s hope it’s better than the last one… Anyway, this is it, Shogo. This is the moment that decides whether all our hard work ends up saving the universe or sends it spiraling into total chaos. On the plus side, if you’re listening to this tape, it probably means that we survived. And that probably means that we really did pull this crazy plan off. Okay, I actually can’t take much of the credit. Apocalypse is up there becoming a god, and I’m just down here flipping switches on his fancy engine. But if we get this right, I have a feeling our troubles may finally be over. And maybe after Apocalypse turns you back to normal, he’ll do the same for me. I mean, he’ll have enough power that he won’t really need a vampire Horseman following him around anymore, right? That’ll mean you and I can be together again… maybe get off Krakoa for a while… hit the mall… whatever you want! And it’ll all be thanks to —”

“GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“Apocalypse?! Oh no! Something’s wrong. He’s… he’s falling! I have to do something. I have to try to —”

*THUDDDD!*

“Big Blue?! Ohmigod! You’re bleeding! Like, so much! Wait… Did someone stab you?!”

“An unseen foe… attempted to end my reign… before it could truly begin…”

“Well, it’s not over yet! We can fix this! You’re ‘He Who Never Dies,’ remember? You didn’t survive for thousands of years just to go out right before you finally get your big win! There’s gotta be a way to patch you up!”

“There is… Within the pyramid… We must act quickly…”

“Right! You said you had some sorta room that could heal you! God, I really should’ve listened better during Horseman orientation… What’d you call it...? The Lazy… Laser… Larp…”

“Lazarus…”

“That’s it! The Lazarus Chamber! Just hang on and I’ll — OOF! — get you there! Wow, how on earth are you this heavy?! Whatever. I can do this. Just gotta dig down and — UNH! — stay strong. Just a little — GAH! — further! And… we’re there! Whew. Okay, now we just gotta power the chamber up. Is there like a button or a passcode or a secret word or —”

“Initiate… resurrection protocol…”

“That’ll work!”

*ERROR. DATA INCOMPLETE.*

“Or not…”

“Initiate…”

*ERROR. DATA INCOMPLETE.*

“Hey! You heard the man! Initiate the stupid resurrection protocol already!”

*ERROR. DATA —*

“What do you mean — What does it mean ‘data incomplete’? Why does it keep saying that? Why won’t it work? It has to work!”

“Jubilee… I fear… my time is over… My soul…”

“No! Forget souls! You’re the freaking Apocalypse! I’m your Horseman! We’re the ones who get to decide when everything ends. And it’s not now! Not yet!”

“Death… comes for us all… I tried to judge the gods… to reshape order… to stabilize the timelines… I was so close… So close to… to…”

“Apocalypse…? Apocalypse! Stay with me! You can’t — You can’t give up. Not yet. Think about all the people we were gonna save. Please! Please don’t… Please don’t die! Shogo needs you! I need you…”

“…”

“No. No no no no no NO! Get up! I believed in you! You can’t leave me here to do this alone! I’m… I’m not strong enough to survive this... I’m too weak… too hungry… Why’d you have to make me Famine, you stupid jerk? Why couldn’t you have made me stronger? Why couldn’t I have been — Death! That’s it! The Death Seeds! I’ll go get one of them and use it to bring you back! Mommy’s not giving up, Shogo! I know exactly where Apocalypse keeps his Death Seeds. They should be right over — Here they are! Just gotta grab one and get it back to him. Okay. Good. Now, to let it do its magic and…”

“…”

“Nothing? Dammit! That should have worked! Why didn’t it work?! Shogo… I’m so sorry, baby… I really thought we had a chance… but we blew it… And I’ve got a bad feeling that you’re not the only one who’s gonna pay the price…”